Heartbreak and addiction
by libra44
Summary: when edward leaves bella and her life gets worse and worse will it ever get better?
1. Chapter 1

Heartbreak and addiction

Chapter 1 

I lay here on my bed just staring at nothing, thinking this must be a dream no not a dream a nightmare._ He_ left me 6months ago and I have been in a zombie like state ever since. Most of the time all I feel is numb, that's until I get a small reminder of _him._ I feel a pain ripped through my heart, It feels like a gapping hole that will never be healed. Charlie is not happy with the way I am acting he suggested that I go and get some professional help. I told that I don't need any help and I tried to put on a brave face but he didn't look convinced. My room is my only escape, Charlie doesn't bother coming in and checking on me anymore, even at night when I wake screaming he doesn't come in to see if everything is ok because it is always the same and he cannot do anything for me.

_Beep Beep Beep Beep _I roll over and turn off my alarm, yet another night I cried myself to sleep. I crawl from my bed and start the morning ritual of getting ready for school. I don't why I bother I no longer have any friends anymore I think they stopped trying to make conversation with me after about a month of me staring into space and only speaking when a question is directed at me. Even mike the most persistence of all of them finally gave up. Also on to of no social life my grades are slipping and even teachers don't bother anymore. When I had a shower and put my hair in a ponytail and got dressed I headed down stairs to get breakfast. Charlie had already gone as usually and I grabbed a breakfast bar and my bag and headed for my truck. It was yet another wet rainy day, typical Forks. I drove through the rain in silence with only the _pita pata pita pata _of the rain on the roof. I prefer the silence and anyway even if I wanted music I can't I ripped out the radio that emmet brought me for my birthday just after they left, and there is a now gapping hole with wires hanging out, that will never be filled again. I got to school and parked my truck and pulled on my raincoat as I got out not really noticing the rain trickling down my back and face soaking me. First lesson always go by in a blur, I don't really concentrate and nobody bothers me. The bell rings for lunch and I head for the cafeteria get a tray of food and sit at my usual table surrounded by mike, Jessica and the other guys, everyone is talking about a new kid in school, by what I hear he is quite handsome and has moved hear from London, England. He seems to be getting quite a bit of attention. I will make sure I stay away for him I don't need attention being drawn to me.

"Bella!!!"

Someone shouting my name broke my train of thought I looked up to see Jessica trying to get my attention.

"Mmm" I my ignorance irritates her I can tell my the look on her face

"You have biology next don't you"

I nodded not really sure why she wants to know

"Well so does Darius, so you need stay away form him ….Kay"

"Jessica!!!!" mike sounded disgusted at Jessica

" Well I don't want him being affected by her mopping and drive him away from Forks" and she better keep her grimy hands of him she already drove away one good-looking guy away we don't need another running for the hills because of her.

She muttered that under her breath but everyone still heard her.

"Whatever" Is all I said to be honest I was at all interested in him I don't want another boyfriend or anything else for that matter.

After that short chat the bell rang and I made my way to biology. When I got there I took my seat and waited for the teacher to show up. He trailed about 5 minutes later with and young lad in tow. This must be the new kid what was his name ……. Ah yeah darius they was it. I thought to myself avoiding eye contact with this new stranger.

" Right Darius" Mr banner mused

" You can take a seat next to Bella swan please"

"Bella will you raise your hand to show Darius where you are" I could feel everyone's eyes on my at this point I slowly raised my hand and darius started to walk over to me, I moved my books out of the way and he sat down next to me.

As mr banner started the lesson I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my face but I kept my eyes forward for the whole lesson. As the lesson ended I gathered my things quickly and headed out of the door not giving him a chance to speak to me. Last period went by without a hitch and I slowly trudge out in to the rain to my truck. I drove home slowly pleased it being the weekend. Charlie was not home yet, I didn't expect him to be he tries to stay out of the house as much as possible these days. I got in and the phone was ringing, I ran over to pick it up thinking it could be Charlie.

"Hello" I answered in a very monotone voice

"Hi Bella its Jacob form la push"

This surprised me I haven't spoke to Jake in awhile.

" Oh Jake… my dad is not in if that's why you are calling but I can take a message and get him to call you back"

" No I was actually hoping to talk to you"

"Right…. So was up"

"I want to invite your to a beach party tomorrow night down here at la push"

He sounded very eager, but I don't really want to go I need to let him down easy

"Uuhhh well you see Jake I sorta got plans for the weekend… sorry"

"Okay but if those plans change the offer is stills there, it starts at 7.00 and it is at the first beach okay I'll see you around bye"

He sounded very disappointed, god I feel bad now.

" Yea okay bye Jake"

I hung up the phone and made my way to my room, I calasped on my bed and stared up at the ceiling remembering the last time I saw Jake, it was just after _he_ left me Jake tried to comfort me but I blow him off told him I don't need anyone's help we sort of had abit of a fight, I see now he was trying to help but then I was blinded by emotions unlike now where I have no emotion.

I started to get dinner ready when Charlie came in.

"Bella"

"Yeah im in the kitchen"

Charlie walks in the kitchen and looks uncomfortable

"Well…Bella how was school?"

He's up to something I know it

"Fine"

"Good, good ….so do you have any plans this weekend?"

I knew it

"No not really"

"Maybe you should go shopping with that Jessica girl and some of your other friends"

"No dad" I started dishing up dinner and placing it in front of Charlie who had gotten the cutlery and was sat at the table.

"Why not Bella you cant mope around the house all weekend again"

I didn't answer him I knew where this was going I just sat quite and ate my dinner.

"Bella im fed up with you being miserable over a boy, he left that's it you need to move on with your life like he probably is"

Charlie was getting angry

"He left you Bella alone so stop waiting for him"

Now I was angry

"I'm not waiting for anyone dad I know he's gone"

"Well why don't move on and go out with your real friends once in awhile!!"

"I will tell you what dad I have changed my mind I am going to la push tomorrow ok!!!" I got up and went to my room to angry and upset to stay down there. I lay on my bed and once again cried myself to sleep.


	2. authors note

Sorry I have not updated in ages it has been mad here with Christmas and all

And to top it all off the dam computer broke down and I had no internet for bout 2 months !  
2 months with no fanfics. I think im traumatized, I missed reading the fanfics so much I thought I might go mad. But luckily enough it has just been fixed it was so bad we needed a brand new computer so now that keeps playing up. When will it end I just wait it to work.

Sorry I got side tracked

I will update soon I promise just let me get my head around this computer And ill will start writing up chapter 2 and will post it as soon as possible

Have a great Christmas everyone 


	3. Chapter 3

-1Disclaimer: I don't own anything, but Darius.

Chapter 2

Heartbreak and addiction

Time flew by and suddenly I realised I was meant to be going to la push today and it is already, I look over at my clock, 6:30, party starts at 7:00 so I guess I should get ready.

I sigh, dragging myself off the bed, I'll go for about an hour then I'll sneak away and probably drive around a bit just so Charlie doesn't go on at me about being home early.

Good plan. I have a shower and slowly get dressed, nothing special , just jeans and a shirt, I don't really pay attention to see if it matched, I don't care.

God Alice would kill me if she saw me now, no not thinking about them, there the past, to be forgotten about.

I stare at myself in the mirror, I'm a sorry state. I shake my head and pull on my trainers, I glance at the cloak again 7:15.

I guess I better get going. I picked up my truck keys and my mobile and headed for the door.

I slowly made my way down stairs, I would rather stay home, I thought as I some to the bottom, nothing is stopping me from turning around and walking back to my room.

" Bella, are you off to la push now" yes Charlie was stopping me with his constant nagging trying to get me out of the house. " yeah this is me going, bye"

I said it slowly, hoping he won't make me go if I sound like I really don't want to.

" okay have fun, and don't worry about coming home early either, okay I'll probably see you in the morning, bye" he shouted in a cheerful voice.

Great now I have to stay out longer, I can't blame leaving early on my curfew, damn.

I'm starting to regret saying that I was going to la push and I can't not go because Charlie would ask Billy who would ask Jake if I went, this is now confusing.

All I know is I have to go and look like I'm having a little fun, great.

I go out the door and get in my rusty truck, I need a new car, this one reminds me of them so much.

When they used to tease my about the slowness, yes I will get a new car this needs to go to the scrapes.

I drive down the familiar roads to la push and a song comes on the radio, I have never heard it before so I listen and realise it sounds like what happened to me, I feel I'm bleeding love, from the hole in my heart.

_Closed off from love  
I didn't need the pain  
Once or twice was enough  
And it was all in vain  
Time starts to pass  
Before you know it you're frozen_

But something happened  
For the very first time with you  
My heart melts into the ground   
Found something true  
And everyone's looking round  
Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say  
I'm in love with you  
They try to pull me away  
But they don't know the truth  
My heart's crippled by the vein  
That I keep on closing  
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
I keep bleeding  
I keep, keep bleeding love   
Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
You cut me open 

Trying hard not to hear  
But they talk so loud  
Their piercing sounds fill my ears  
Try to fill me with doubt  
Yet I know that the goal  
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater  
Than the rush that comes with your embrace   
And in this world of loneliness  
I see your face  
Yet everyone around me  
Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe 

But I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you  
They try to pull me away  
But they don't know the truth  
My heart's crippled by the vein  
That I keep on closing  
You cut me open and I...

Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
I keep bleeding  
I keep, keep bleeding love   
Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
You cut me open 

And it's draining all of me  
Oh they find it hard to believe  
I'll be wearing these scars  
For everyone to see

I don't care what they say  
I'm in love with you  
They try to pull me away  
But they don't know the truth  
My heart's crippled by the vein  
That I keep on closing  
You cut me open and I...

Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
I keep bleeding  
I keep, keep bleeding love  
Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
You cut me open and I...

Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
I keep bleeding  
I keep, keep bleeding love  
Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love   
You cut me open and I  
Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  


That's it no more.

At that point I decide to forget, like they wanted me to, no more moping.

I'm going to this party to have fun and not think of ANY of them.

This has gotten out of control.

And that was it, that was when I decided to move on with my life, change or it in one way or another, starting with jakes party.

I got there and it was 7:45, well better late than never I suppose, no think positive, I'm fashionably late.

I walked through the crowd on the beach, and spotted Jake in the crowd.

I just stood and watched him, he is quite handsome and he is generally a nice guy.

As I stood there admiring the sight before me, suddenly has head came up and looked straight at me, and a huge, goofy grin came across his face, and I gave a smaller on back.

He started to walk towards me, and was in front of me in seconds. I looked up to his face and he seemed quite pleased to see me.

" hey you came" he said cheerfully then pulled me into a big hug. It was bone crushing, I think he missed me.

" Jake….need to breathe please"

" sorry, I just missed you so much, yeah and sorry about before I just.."

I stopped him from continuing his sentence, " no Jake that's all forgotten about, I have moved on" I said with a forced smile on my face.

That's the first time I said it out loud, but it felt good, the whole in my chest was still there but I think I am starting to patch it up.

" okay… well it's great to see you again"

" yeah I missed you to" we started catching up on what we have done lately, he was mostly talking because I had nothing to tell, how boring was my life. Well that is all going to change.

_Yeah I know its short but I just started to pick this one back up again, I sorry I have not updated in a while, I sort of lost where I was going with this, but I found new inspiration so plz review I should update soon _


End file.
